I’ve been doing a bible study that has you find the idols that you might have in your heart. One of my idols that I thought I had was fear. Fear of not knowing what might happen, the ones I love might get hurt, and just not being able to control things. Well today in the study we discussed that fear is not the idol but fear is what we hold on to when we are afraid of losing the thing we made our idol… fear of losing the person you thought you couldn’t live without, fear of never becoming who you thought you would be, fear of whatever it might be. Fear is not the idol but the thing that protects your idol.
When we are able to let go of the things we think we can’t live without then we are able to go places we never would have been able to before. When I was young my biggest fear was my mom dying because I depended on her, I did not know life without her, and I thought that I could not live without her. Every night before bed I had a very specific prayer that I would pray that would basically just be telling God to not let anything happen to her and have her live until she was one hundred.
I became older and realized that it would be painful and hard but I actually could live without my mom because God did not make me to depend on another human being but on Him and with Him I can do all things. As I got older my fears became different but in reality they were just protecting my idols, the things that I thought was protecting me. I would never write or post anything for people to see because I was fearful of rejection and people not liking me. So, by me not letting anyone see what I had created protected me from being hurt. I used to sit in the car for so long when I arrived at a high school party because I was so worried that when I got there I would have no one to talk to and I would be alone. I let myself miss out on so much by protecting myself from something that “might” happen.
I was not actually ever controlling anything bad from happening to me but I was ensuring that good things did not happen to me.
One of Breck’s dreams in life is to be able to have a motorcycle that he could ride whenever he wanted. I know that he’s a skilled rider and would do fine on the road but I couldn’t guarantee what the other drivers would do. Will they see him? Will they hit him? Will he be safe? This is my best friend, my number one, and my person… How would I be without him? But the truth is that I am not guaranteed anytime with Breck at all. I have this moment now with him and I hope that I will have tomorrow with him but at the end of the day I only have now. How much more am I going to enjoy the time I have now if I am not worrying about what could happen? If I leave my might happens, could happens, and should happens to the one who created me and just be.
“Here I was trying to save my soul, trying to do the work that you had already done.”
We will miss out on so much life, on what God has called us to be, on the blessings God has for us if we live with fear being the thing to protect us. The God that created the mountains high and the valleys low, stretched out the heavens and the earth, also created you… He knows the numbers of hairs on your head and the number of grains of sand on the beach. I know that He loves Breck more than I ever could. I know that He loves me more than I ever could. I know that He loves you more than anyone else ever could. I know that life is so much better when we trust His plan and not our own.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” – 1 John 4:18
I am not sure if this is what you needed to hear today or if this was just for me but I hope that wherever you are in life you know that He has got you so you can let go and choose adventure.
Until next time,